Hi,
All, I have dealt with many conflicts but one that sticks out comes because it
was with my in-laws. Now, I am the one to never try to cause any issues with my
husband’s family members but this conflict came from a huge misunderstanding
–unfortunately. Instead of the sister coming to me in a calm voice and asking
what was going, she only had part of the message and ended up being dead wrong
and in the end had to apologize to me. I know that was hard for her but she
knew she was wrong and felt bad afterwards.
The
strategies that I used, even before reading the lessons for this week, was not
to raise my voice along with her. I knew this would never solve anything and I just
allowed her to talk. I did not have to use any of the NVC principles because
she was in Georgia but I did feel compassion for her because I knew she was
wrong and she would figure it out in due time. I stayed respectful as I could
at the time because a pet peeve of mine is that I do not like to be accused of
saying anything that I know I did not say because I hate gossip. It never leads
to anything positive. I do not even like talking on the phone much at all. I do
know that at times I try to avoid conflict, which is the “escapist strategy and
try to prevent direct conflict” (O’Hair and Weimann, 2012, p. 236). This may
not be an answer for everything but in this case, I knew it would be for the
best. I knew I had not done anything wrong and I took the high road and
eventually things were solved –just like I knew they would because I knew the
truth would come out.
Sometimes
taking the high-road in a conflict and not trying to fight your way out will always
prevail over war (fighting).
Just to clarify the strategies I took from NVC:
One strategy used was “differentiating a feeling from thinking and
being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does
not imply judgment, criticism or blame” (The center for NVC, n.a., para. 5).
Another strategy was I “clarified what was being felt rather than judging and thus emphasizing
on deeper listening skills to foster respect” (The center for NVC, n.a., para.
6-7).
Reference
O'Hair,
D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Retrieved November 27, 2014.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication.
(n.d.). The center for nonviolent
communication. Retrieved November 27, 2014, from http://www.cnvc.org/
Nakita,
ReplyDeleteMost conflicts stem from misunderstandings; it was good that your sister-in-law apologized to you, many people not only do not apologize they do not even realize or will not admit when they are wrong. As you stated you used the escapist strategy where you tried to avoid and stay away from confrontation (kudos to you).
Another strategy that you used was the Third Side concept, you sought to understand all sides of the conflict, even though you knew your sister-in-law was wrong instead of engaging in conflict you let her vent; your decision not to engage in conflict led to your sister-in-law pursuing the truth and eventually apologizing. Sometimes we have to gather our thoughts and calm down and put things in perspective before the truth comes to light.
Hi Nakita, thank you for sharing your experience with conflict. Conflict with our family members is never easy as they are our "family." I think you handled that conflict gracefully and did not let you emotions take over. It sounds like you already possess some great conflict skills, so you are lucky. Many people struggle with how to stay calm and passive when confronted with conflict, but you were able to do that. You should be proud of the skills you have!! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing some strategies as well. They will definitely help the next time conflict may arise with one of my family members.
Thank you for sharing!
Take care,
Stephanie
I agree that sometimes it's best to just take the high road. When you know you're right, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. The truth always surfaces. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI think that you explained a great way to resolve conflict. Yelling and raising your voice at the other person does not make the situation better, it only worsens it. It seems like you understand how to communicate well with others even during the time of conflict. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteNakita
ReplyDeleteYou demonstrated good conflict resolution skills in your scenario. Sometimes family members are the most challenging to be calm and controlled with. You think that they should know how you would behave in any circumstance. However, when they are in defense mode they throw knowledge and thinking out the window. You took a great decision and stuck to it and it paid off well, the apology was well earned and I hope the lesson was learnt. Great strategy, helpful post, great communication. Thank you!
Nakita,
ReplyDeleteRemaining calm during confrontation is key. It can definitely be difficult to maintain proper composure when dealing with others especially when your emotions are involved. Family, especially new family, can be difficult to communicate with if you do not know one another or have not had time to build a strong relationship. Thank you for sharing such a personal event in your life!