Hi,
All, I have dealt with many conflicts but one that sticks out comes because it
was with my in-laws. Now, I am the one to never try to cause any issues with my
husband’s family members but this conflict came from a huge misunderstanding
–unfortunately. Instead of the sister coming to me in a calm voice and asking
what was going, she only had part of the message and ended up being dead wrong
and in the end had to apologize to me. I know that was hard for her but she
knew she was wrong and felt bad afterwards.
The
strategies that I used, even before reading the lessons for this week, was not
to raise my voice along with her. I knew this would never solve anything and I just
allowed her to talk. I did not have to use any of the NVC principles because
she was in Georgia but I did feel compassion for her because I knew she was
wrong and she would figure it out in due time. I stayed respectful as I could
at the time because a pet peeve of mine is that I do not like to be accused of
saying anything that I know I did not say because I hate gossip. It never leads
to anything positive. I do not even like talking on the phone much at all. I do
know that at times I try to avoid conflict, which is the “escapist strategy and
try to prevent direct conflict” (O’Hair and Weimann, 2012, p. 236). This may
not be an answer for everything but in this case, I knew it would be for the
best. I knew I had not done anything wrong and I took the high road and
eventually things were solved –just like I knew they would because I knew the
truth would come out.
Sometimes
taking the high-road in a conflict and not trying to fight your way out will always
prevail over war (fighting).
Just to clarify the strategies I took from NVC:
One strategy used was “differentiating a feeling from thinking and
being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does
not imply judgment, criticism or blame” (The center for NVC, n.a., para. 5).
Another strategy was I “clarified what was being felt rather than judging and thus emphasizing
on deeper listening skills to foster respect” (The center for NVC, n.a., para.
6-7).
Reference
O'Hair,
D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Retrieved November 27, 2014.
The Center for Nonviolent Communication.
(n.d.). The center for nonviolent
communication. Retrieved November 27, 2014, from http://www.cnvc.org/
